I went to a party tonight with my nerd friends, and it was good fun. Lots of Asian people, and Aaron and I pretty much were the only white people (Yair and Jamie were there too). About half way through the night we walked down the block over to our friend Jon's house. Jon is also Asian, and after we walked in we starting going down into his basement. About halfway down though, Jon's mom pointed at Aaron's shoes and said something along the lines of "take your shoes off please." I realized at that point that I hadn't taken my shoes off either, but all of our friends had.
What's notable is that the white people (Aaron and I) weren't conditioned to take our shoes off when we entered houses as guests, but all of our Asian friends took their shoes off immediately. This is something I've noticed with almost all of my Asian friends, and when I brought it up in our group we figured out what the difference was. From our Asian friends' point of view, it was a simple cleanness thing, "I don't want my floors to get dirty so take off your shoes" is implied. But for Aaron and I (although Aaron may have a different interpretation) a host has to direct the guest to take off their shoes, in order to allow them to be more comfortable in their house. When you take off your shoes, you're saying a lot in our culture. Taking off your shoes is very casual, not something we would do in a formal situation. Taking off your shoes is also a sign that "I'm going to be staying here for a relatively long period of time." I wouldn't take my shoes off if I knew I was only coming into a house briefly and then leaving. Also, importantly I think, it's a power thing. I'm not allowed to get comfortable in someone else's house unless they tell me to. It would be bad manners to come in and plop comfortably in a chair in a stranger's house, I would sit a little more formally and gingerly. Likewise, it's bad form for me to take off my shoes to make myself comfortable in your house without being told to do so.
The friends that I'm talking about are primarily Chinese, and speak Mandarin with their parents. So I'm wondering whether this phenomenon is something that's just anecdotal, or whether it's really true. People of all races feel free to throw in your interpretations, it can be a little cultural experiment. It's interesting though how clearly cultural lines can be drawn with such a little thing though. And (assuming my analysis is true) that little thing is a manifestation of a lot of other differences; for my Asian friends it was a simple cleanliness thing, but for me there was a whole guest/host power dynamic at play. So comment with your thoughts, and add any other little cultural differences you've found over the years.
It's purely a matter of cleanliness. China is very very dusty (lack of trees, dust storms, general geography, etc) so people will take their shoes off before entering the home. Also, nowadays people have fancy tile floors, but many had or still have cement/mud/dirt floors that take a lot of effort to clean. Generally in China and most Asian household here you would be given sandals to wear, but with tile and wood floors of today, many just fore go it and allow socks/bare feet in the house
ReplyDeleteBeing given sandals would be interesting. That would maintain the formality, and it might almost be a little more power on the part of the host. I'm allowing you to wear shoes that I'm providing you, and I'm not allowing you the comfort of just taking your shoes off.
ReplyDeleteExtending this further into college and the dorm room environment, one of my best friends in college had a single dorm room. He had a sign when you walked in that directed you to take off your shoes when you entered his dorm room. It was a cleanliness thing for him, but certainly cultural as well.
ReplyDeleteI mention this because it was so obvious a difference. I had never thought about taking shoes off in a drom room. Especially where you would only stay briefly.
Well herro there Rich; I came across your blog on facebook and thought this was interesting. In keeping with your consideration for traditions and etiquette (as this post discusses), I hope I'm not violating some blogging protocol by just barging in and commenting (and late, at that)!
ReplyDeleteSo to start, I think I should make it completely clear that, to me, this custom has always, always been a point of politeness and respect, before, or perhaps even over any practical issue of cleanliness. I'm not sure whether this is actually a national attitude (I see that Anna above disagrees with me in her emphasis of a practical nature to the taking off of shoes), but taking off one's shoes shows deference to one's host.
It isn't an individually functional act (as you posited), nor a cultural, host-propelled desire for clean floors (as Anna did), but a gesture made by the guest to show that she is being considerate FOR the host: respecting the house's cleanliness, the house itself, and its owners. This is how I was taught by my Taiwanese parents, and it's the feeling I got from my family and friends in Taiwan. This can also obviously be tied to the Japanese customs transplanted during the 50 years of Taiwan's being part of the Japanese empire. In both nations, one has to take off one's shoes to enter Buddhist temples in the same way; both customs express the same sentiment of respect and deference to the sanctity of the home and the holiness of the temple, respectively.
It's interesting that you pinpointed the sort of exchange that definitely exists between guest and host, but at least from my perspective, it seems a little backwards. You seem to assign a power granted to the 'foreign' guest by the host when the request is made; really, it's an intruding show of power by the guest that the host is trying to correct (probably as politely as possible, but perhaps with a note of discontent). Though it's very understandable to not want to make yourself really comfortable in someone's home without permission (I feel the same way, which is why I never put my feet up on someone's couch unless we're really close or something), this particular custom is actually not a show of YOUR comfort to take your shoes off: it's a concession to the HOST's comfort that the culture obligates you to take. Having one's shoes on is really not an issue of comfort; it really isn't an optional thing. The closest thing I can think of is someone keeping on a winter coat after coming into a heated house, or maybe a biker keeping his helmet on for dinner...Except that sort of uncomfortable awkwardness is compounded by the fact that keeping one's shoes on is also sort of an affront to the host. No one doesn't do it, if you know what I mean. Keeping your shoes on is like trying to come into a house without opening the door; you haven't really committed to staying or entering until you have. (To corroborate this sort of basic necessity and etiquette that I'm trying to describe, I can tell you that the only times I have seen any Asians not take their shoes off when coming into my house have been when they were construction workers or something walking across the tile for 3 feet to get onto a cardboard-covered area of floor that was being renovated AND when my mom insisted that it was okay for them to keep their shoes on for that small walk.) Most people are actually uncomfortable keeping their shoes on even then; Asian people often say things to be polite but don't QUITE mean them. There's an inherent attitude of personal concession to others (clearly demonstrated by the way two asian mothers will fight TO pay the check at any joint-family dinner to the point of arguments and physical struggles) in Asian culture.
ReplyDeleteIt's actually really amazing how much of a culture and attitude gap really exists between East and West; we get along just fine in most situations, and seem to be able to communicate, but it's as if we're speaking two different languages in which there are a ridiculous number of homophones, and which, by sheer chance, the grammar systems somehow match up, but the meanings of two aurally identical sentences are WAY different. There's a lot swept under the communicative carpet, from what I can tell.
So it was really interesting to see your personal feelings about something as simple as this. Hahaha and sorry for the essay/novel/life story I commented. It's just that thinking and writing about this is a lot more interesting than my character education paper for my level 2 intro to college accounting class. -_____________-
Lol.
Nice connection Naomi, I missed the Buddhist aspect of that. Thanks for the comments, they were really great!
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